Relevance.

RELEVANCE.

What does it mean to be relevant?  Is it a noun used to define one’s position in life or does it describe a person’s contribution to a specific endeavor?  Is being relevant a destination, an accomplishment of its own, something that needs to be maintained and cultivated?  Probably all of the above and how you grasp its meaning and significance determines how you check those boxes.  Relevance is an important word for me.  To be IR-relevant means you don’t matter.  It came to life when I examined my own: my life and my relevance in it.  For a very long time I was obsessed with being the “best” at everything I tried: the best shooter, the best driver, the best Marine and cop and dad.  Whatever it was, I had to be at the top of the game.  Nothing groundbreaking for us men and I’m sure, many women.  But it is a stereotypically male characteristic and it’s typically not something we’re shy of.  Being the “best” at something means you’ve worked hard, suffered and failed and stood up again, gone through a specific learning process that demanded your full attention at the sacrifice of, well, everything else.  Having achieved this excellence to one degree or another over several different but related pursuits, I found myself moving past these accomplishments.  It wasn’t that I became bored or satisfied with my progress, those of us with a mild to moderate case of OCD never really find satisfaction.  Complacency?  Maybe. It was more though that I noticed my passion wavering.  Maybe that’s a lack of creativity or a crack in the tree trunk named “Dedication.” Whatever it was I began to see my world differently; how I interacted with people, the effort I put forth, and drew comparisons against what I’d done and what I saw others doing.  Moving on isn’t always by choice either.  Sometimes it’s a mistake, the outcome of specific decisions that although in the moment seemed perfectly reasonable, clearly weren’t the right ones in hindsight.  Other times it was another interest that held a similarly important place in my life but one that I hadn’t fully focused on, and one in which I found considerable challenge and desire.  And lastly, sometimes its God Himself making decisions for us that we cannot bring ourselves to face.  This is a real thing whether you believe in God or not.  When we achieve a certain level of something, often times we’ll deny the fact, in the face of overwhelming evidence, that we’re not as good as we’ve convinced ourselves we are. 

The existence of a man who’s unable to accept this change and isn’t wise enough to realistically consider what he’s accomplished, has a character flaw.  The man who has moved past that moment in life where he was King, and needs to force feed his self-proclaimed relevance upon others in order to preserve his self image, pathetic.  This is closely tied to, if not synonymous with ego, and the arrogance of a person behaving this way represents closed-mindedness and self-righteousness.  You cannot be right in this man’s eyes.  Regardless of whether your opinion matches his at the 99% level matters not; he’s going to find a flaw and isn’t afraid to correct you, assertively.  Moreover, the lack of acceptance of contribution, education, or knowledge alienates those being addressed.  It pushes them into a margin where they have 2 choices: accept and adopt that perspective, or don’t and find yourself alone.  Forcing your “expertise” on others without the ability to listen and value theirs, is toxic to that relationship.  And ultimately it will lead to an island of a man, surrounded only by those whose applause and worship are sought to feed an ego and will create a gulf across which only monumental, life-changing effort will allow him to reconnect.  The island gets more and more remote.  And the man, less and less willing to put forth the effort. 

So where does all this fit in the Meaning of Life?  Well, to me it means practicing humility.  It means recognizing where you are relative to your peers and when its time to pass the torch, doing so gracefully.  It also means its perfectly alright to let go of that torch; nothing is going to fall apart at the seams and things will progress without your hand directly involved.  That’s a hard pill to swallow sometimes and the cliché comes to mind, “Easier said than done.”   But there’s another cliché out there that states, “If you’re not moving forward, you’re dying.”  We need to accept what we’ve done as enough and have faith in the fact that we accomplished something valuable and made it better than what it was. If the next guy does it better or expands upon the groundwork you’ve laid, then there’s no better evidence to prove it.  This life has no room for whining and envy and the demand of respect: whining is standing still and throwing a fit, so you’re dying; envy is related to the former, you’re doing very well where you’re at and its likely exactly where you need to be; and respect is something earned, every day.  It’s not a right and no one owes it to you, you’ve got to create an environment where it grows on its own and prove to yourself that you’re worthy of it.  

All of this sounds suspiciously like I’m referring to a specific person or experience, doesn’t it?  Yes to both, personal and professional.  Its been something I’ve wanted to get out of my head, like some tumor creating pressure and causing a headache.  Growing old gracefully is important and how we handle how relevant we are plays a key role in how we men do that.  The quality of that process is dependent upon how well we cope.  Our egos and self-importance cannot define who we are. What drives us to excel at what we are doing now cannot be dependent upon what we did back then.  Lean on that experience and draw from it the wisdom to make good decisions and sound choices, it has value without a doubt.  But its equally worthy to be the student as it was the teacher and that doesn’t mean you’ve taken a step down.  And as my wife used to say, “Bloom where you’re planted!”  -Jeff.